the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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