I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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