Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
