If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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