she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
