i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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