sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
