This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
