Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
