Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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