I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
