ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
