Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My penis needs a shock collar
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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