Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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