We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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