i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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