Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he fucked my hip out of place.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
