so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
