Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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