the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
