Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
