...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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