My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
