You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
