So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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