And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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