dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
