you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize