people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
