First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
