Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize