I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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