We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
