We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
