Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
