It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
