so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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