Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He passed out mid-signature
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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