Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
