i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
