She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
