I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
