It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
