I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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