When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
