I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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