Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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