she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
