The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize