it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
