Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
