I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
