Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
