dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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