Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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