thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
