I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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