You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
