your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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