what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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