I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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