At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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