She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
