i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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