Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize