Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
