Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
