just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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