I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
