She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
