Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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