Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
