It's Friday. Sex?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
