Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
