She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize