I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
