Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
