Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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