Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize