tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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