Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
