I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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