I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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