Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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