I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
