So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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