my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
