Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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