I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
