I want to walk on stilts...naked
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
