Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
