they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
