That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize