So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
