Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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