I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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